Well, back this morning from a week in Menorca, and I have never been so glad to get home. It was a very lovely place, lovely scenery around the hotel and on top of a gorgeous sandy beach with clear, shallow waters, Mark and Oliver were (as always) lovely to be with and yet all the time, my anxiety levels rise and rise until I think I am going to either a) have a panic attack or b) collapse in floods of tears until I feel better. I have been like this since my first holiday abroad in July 1988. I hated it and wept loads until I came home. The only holidays I have had when I didn't feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown have been ones where I have stayed in proper 'homes' and been part of 'normal life'.
Poor Mark and Oliver. I am so wrapped up in the panic and anxiety of not enjoying my holiday, that I ineveitably end up miserable and ruining things for them. Hopefully Oliver is too young to realise that his mother is a nutter, and Mark deserves better. Since I have endured these horrible feelings for so long whilst on holiday, enough is enough. I am going to the Docs and I am asking her to get me in to see a counsellor. Surely being this loopy on holiday qualifies for some sort of help..... think my problems are a control issue anyway, I feel better at home, in control of my little world.....
Anyway, now 2 weeks behind with SLYMI so will chill over that, and meanwhile, here are some pics from my holiday, which had it's little highs despite all my unwitting attempts to sabotage my own happiness....
4 comments:
Poor you Janice, maybe you are just not a traveller! That's fine, not a problem.
is it just as bad if you have a holiday where you rent a house for the week, rather than staying in a hotel?
That's what we usually do and it's just as easy in many ways.
but maybe your thing is something more deep seated than that, at least you can see it and aren't in denial though. Hope you can get some appropriate help.
Oliver is looking SO grown up in the photos!
Ohhh Janice.. I did miss you so.. and forgot completely about your trip! You know I feel a bit the same about booking a trip, can only think of reasons not to..but luckily always happy when there..
Good luck with it, amazing what someone else's view of things can do..xx
It's not uncommon Janice, I have another friend who is always anxious when she is away from home. Have to be honest even though I like going away, I'm always very happy to get back home and into my 'routine'.
Worth asking to see someone about though as you don't want it to impact on Oliver later on (although I'm sure you wouldn't let that happen anyway).
Waistline is very appreciative of Rosemary now!!!
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